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Fanfic. To Stand In Awe and Be Humbled (SPN, General Audiences)
To Stand In Awe and Be Humbled (Supernatural, Jo & Castiel, General Audiences). Jo finds out that having a conversation with an angel can lead to unexpected admissions. All characters and places/objects resembling Supernatural belong to their respective creators. Written for ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
casper_san for fandom_stocking 2009.
Sitting on the chair, trying to process exactly what Dean and Sam and Castiel were telling them, Jo couldn't quite believe it.
She was sitting next to an angel.
That thought was still running through her head a few hours later, long after the boys and her mother had gone to sleep. She'd tried to sleep to, but it hovered at the edges leaving her tossing and turning.
Eventually she'd given up trying and slipped silently through the small house she and her mother had bought and into the kitchen.
She stopped in the doorway.
"Castiel."
The angel in a trench-coat turned around, seemingly unperturbed by her prescence. "It's late," he told her. "You should be resting."
Jo blinked. "I, uh… I couldn't sleep," she said, stepping across the threshold. "What're you doing?" Mentally she berated herself. Fancy asking an angel what he's doing.
"I don't sleep."
"Seriously?" She grabbed a beer out of the fridge. It was either too late to start drinking. Or too early, she couldn't quite tell, but finding out that Lucifer was walking the Earth and gearing up to the end of the world kind of threw a spanner in the drinking rules. "You don't sleep?"
He watched her, and it was almost a child-like stare – intent and curious – but alien at the same time. It was strange and disturbing and Jo found she couldn't meet his gaze. She looked away, sitting down at the small kitchen table, and opening the beer. The condensation on the glass bottle was cold against her fingers.
"No, I don't require sleep."
"So you thought you'd stand around in the kitchen until morning?" Her question was only half-mocking. From all accounts, it was quite likely that was exactly what he was doing.
He stepped towards the table. "I can help you sleep," he offered, his voice low and gravely, and damn if he mind didn't go to places that were bad and wrong. Sam had told her that angels could knock people unconscious with just a touch – that had to be what Castiel was referring to.
She half-smiled, and raised her bottle to him, as if in toast. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll be okay for a while." She nodded to the fridge. "Help yourself," she offered, curious if he would take a drink.
Brows furrowed, he stared questioningly at her.
"There's more beer in the fridge," she told him. "Mom used to own a roadhouse so keeping alcohol around is a force of habit." Never mind that her mom had hidden the liquor. She'd find it eventually, or Ellen would break it out for the boys.
The angel surprised her, pulling a beer out of the fridge. He sat down opposite her, examining the bottle like it might explode. Jo held out her hand, and after a moment he passed it to her. She opened it and passed it back.
He took an experimental sip, and she couldn't read his expression.
Questions bubbled to the forefront of her mind while he continued to contemplate his drink.
"Why're you helping us?" she asked finally, and he looked back at her, something like surprise in his eyes. This time she held his gaze. "I mean, you don't have to, right?"
The silence is long and thick.
Finally, "I betrayed my brothers and sisters," he told her. "I can't go back. Not yet, anyway. There are things happening in Heaven that are endangering the lives of humans and I won't be party to that."
"Bobby said that your father – God – is missing," she said.
He watched her warily. "You don't believe?"
She shrugged, unapologetically. "No, I've never believed in God," she told him, "but I've never had great cause to. If I had believed, I'd probably hate him." She smiled wryly. "Knowing and believing are two different things, and I think its better that I 'know' rather than 'believe.'"
The silence settled between them again, and this time she watched him, taking in every detail. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence.
"Do you think if you find God he'll be able to stop Lucifer?" she asked.
"The prophecy says that Dean is the only one who can stop Lucifer," Castiel told her.
"That wasn't my question," she reminded him.
He didn't reply.
She continued on. "I mean, you're looking for him for a reason, right? Do you think he'll intervene if you find him?"
Castiel looked away. "I don't know."
Jo turned her head, staring into the empty space of the kitchen.
The silence settled again.
casper_san for fandom_stocking 2009.Sitting on the chair, trying to process exactly what Dean and Sam and Castiel were telling them, Jo couldn't quite believe it.
She was sitting next to an angel.
That thought was still running through her head a few hours later, long after the boys and her mother had gone to sleep. She'd tried to sleep to, but it hovered at the edges leaving her tossing and turning.
Eventually she'd given up trying and slipped silently through the small house she and her mother had bought and into the kitchen.
She stopped in the doorway.
"Castiel."
The angel in a trench-coat turned around, seemingly unperturbed by her prescence. "It's late," he told her. "You should be resting."
Jo blinked. "I, uh… I couldn't sleep," she said, stepping across the threshold. "What're you doing?" Mentally she berated herself. Fancy asking an angel what he's doing.
"I don't sleep."
"Seriously?" She grabbed a beer out of the fridge. It was either too late to start drinking. Or too early, she couldn't quite tell, but finding out that Lucifer was walking the Earth and gearing up to the end of the world kind of threw a spanner in the drinking rules. "You don't sleep?"
He watched her, and it was almost a child-like stare – intent and curious – but alien at the same time. It was strange and disturbing and Jo found she couldn't meet his gaze. She looked away, sitting down at the small kitchen table, and opening the beer. The condensation on the glass bottle was cold against her fingers.
"No, I don't require sleep."
"So you thought you'd stand around in the kitchen until morning?" Her question was only half-mocking. From all accounts, it was quite likely that was exactly what he was doing.
He stepped towards the table. "I can help you sleep," he offered, his voice low and gravely, and damn if he mind didn't go to places that were bad and wrong. Sam had told her that angels could knock people unconscious with just a touch – that had to be what Castiel was referring to.
She half-smiled, and raised her bottle to him, as if in toast. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll be okay for a while." She nodded to the fridge. "Help yourself," she offered, curious if he would take a drink.
Brows furrowed, he stared questioningly at her.
"There's more beer in the fridge," she told him. "Mom used to own a roadhouse so keeping alcohol around is a force of habit." Never mind that her mom had hidden the liquor. She'd find it eventually, or Ellen would break it out for the boys.
The angel surprised her, pulling a beer out of the fridge. He sat down opposite her, examining the bottle like it might explode. Jo held out her hand, and after a moment he passed it to her. She opened it and passed it back.
He took an experimental sip, and she couldn't read his expression.
Questions bubbled to the forefront of her mind while he continued to contemplate his drink.
"Why're you helping us?" she asked finally, and he looked back at her, something like surprise in his eyes. This time she held his gaze. "I mean, you don't have to, right?"
The silence is long and thick.
Finally, "I betrayed my brothers and sisters," he told her. "I can't go back. Not yet, anyway. There are things happening in Heaven that are endangering the lives of humans and I won't be party to that."
"Bobby said that your father – God – is missing," she said.
He watched her warily. "You don't believe?"
She shrugged, unapologetically. "No, I've never believed in God," she told him, "but I've never had great cause to. If I had believed, I'd probably hate him." She smiled wryly. "Knowing and believing are two different things, and I think its better that I 'know' rather than 'believe.'"
The silence settled between them again, and this time she watched him, taking in every detail. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence.
"Do you think if you find God he'll be able to stop Lucifer?" she asked.
"The prophecy says that Dean is the only one who can stop Lucifer," Castiel told her.
"That wasn't my question," she reminded him.
He didn't reply.
She continued on. "I mean, you're looking for him for a reason, right? Do you think he'll intervene if you find him?"
Castiel looked away. "I don't know."
Jo turned her head, staring into the empty space of the kitchen.
The silence settled again.